apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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