I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
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He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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