Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
