my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
