Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
