She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
