Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
