Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
