She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You pole danced in your parka.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
