Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
