I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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