her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
my poor anus
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
