Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
