If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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