I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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