I want to make a zoo with you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
