New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
