how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
should my penis look like a turkey
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
