hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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