so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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