I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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