i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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