Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
