I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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