everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The best revenge is premature balding
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
