just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
