Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
