How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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