Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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