I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
