I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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