shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
