his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
