she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize