i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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