Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
