The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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