i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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