i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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