i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
