I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
