I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
