Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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