he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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