Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
