Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My pussy is not your playground.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
