Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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