shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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