ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
