I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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