Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize