11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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