ugly people sure do ruin things
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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