i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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