Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
