I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
