i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
