You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
