I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
