I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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