Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
