the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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