I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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