oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
