Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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