So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
