Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
