whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
