Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
