yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
