turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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